I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
