i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
