it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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