im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
