we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
