Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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