God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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