My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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