DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So many bounce houses so little time
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
