did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
