I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
