heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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