i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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