I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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