A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
what day is it and did you see me today?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
