hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
