what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
