The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
