1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
