I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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