Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
