K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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