please come you make the beer taste better
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
