but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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