just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
