i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
