im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
