I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
