I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
