dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
