No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
