She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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