I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
