the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize