Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
