So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
