i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
