I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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