my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
