dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
