My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
