Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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