like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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