your room smells of hookers.
And success
I smell stomach acid.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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