i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
