Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
