i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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