I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
