PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
