At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
