i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
