I'm so fucking centered right now
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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