around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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