So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
