but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
