bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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