She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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