a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
