I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
