its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
