he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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