I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
