Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I will be naked everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
