Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
