If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
