I love black thongs
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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