Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
