Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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