mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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