I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
