so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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