maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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