So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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