My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
