Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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