Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
