I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
