Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Congratulations! We have a period
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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