Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
