saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
