you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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