Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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