Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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