Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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