I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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