508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
