Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
