my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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